Scribble That

Connecting with my Grandmother

Yesterday, I spent some time with my grandmother, Bamma. She is/was a singer and a beautifully amazing one at that. She was the featured soloist at First UMC in Tulsa for years and toured with my grandfather, leading sing-a-longs as he conducted the band at their Sousa concerts. In fact, as my grandfather would tell it, the first time he heard her sing he was mesmerized. He was conducting the band when the soloist came out (whom he hadn’t heard yet) and he was so dazzled by her voice and beauty that he forgot what he was doing and almost fouled the whole concert up. She was always so beautiful to him… 

So, yesterday, as I was spending some time with her, we connected, once again, over music. Now, I think you need to know what her condition is. She has fairly advanced dimensia (sp?). This is different than alztimers (sp?) as she is sometimes in the present and sometimes not, whereas with the latter you tend to loose all your recent and are rarely in the present (that’s a simplified way of putting it). She always knows who I am and is always happy to see me, but doesn’t always know where she is nor is able to understand everything we are talking about (again, just giving the cliff notes on her condition). But, I know the things that can still relate, deeply, to her.

One of those things - music. Music was literally her life for, well, all of her life. She sang and my grandfather ran the music store (Saied Music Co. for those of you wondering), my uncle runs it now. That was their life together. Music. Music. Music… 

God spoke to her soul through music. Every time she sang she talked(s) to Him. If you want to get closer to God, then sing, could have been her mantra. Every time she is near music she likes, rap and rock ‘n’ roll might not work, she comes alive, she’ll start to sing, even sing the harmony sometimes. She loves music and I think its how and where God connects with her, deep down in her soul, within that core-self, that is still there, still aware and still functioning, even though we might not get to see it through the dimensia (sp?).

So, yesterday I decided to talk with her about music and the music the choir sang that morning in church. 

It was a special Sunday. Our long-time friend and choir director, Dr. Barry Epperly, is finally retiring after 30 years of service and ministry at our church. He was hired 30 years ago by my dad on the advice of my grandfather and became a life long friend and partner with us in ministry and service to the Kingdom. Barry is a good friend, not only of the parents, but also my grandparents, so she knew who he was and was interested in what they sang. I told her that they sang the Lord’s Prayer (a fav of hers, even though they sang a different version) and another piece on Jer. 29:11. 

As I described the pieces and how beautiful they sounded, I told her how much they touched me and helped me really feel the presence of the Lord. She said to me, “Yeah, it makes you feel like He’s sitting right there, next to you, singing with you. Its so special.” 

Oh, Glorious God, how I rejoiced in hearing those words! 

You see, that morning my mom and I had talked about how we wondered how the Holy connected with her now, did she still know He was there like she used to talk about? Did she still realize and know who God is and His very real presence in our lives? Well, through those words, she told us “Yes.” She still knows He is there, singing with her and holding her. She is still very aware of His presence and, perhaps, He is the only one who really knows who she is now, deep in that core-self. 

Whether she knew it or not (which I think she did, because she said something about taking care of me) she taught me a lesson about the reality of God through all our life stages. Psalm 139 says, “You know my very thoughts, O, Lord. You see me in my inmost being.” (paraphrased by me).

I have always thought of those verses as something for me today, asking God to show me who I am and where I am to go. But now I think of them in relation to my grandmother. He knows her even when she doesn’t know herself. He knows and can connect and communicate with her because he was there when she was created and will be there when she returns to Him.

He KNOWS her… When I can’t reach her, He can. When I can’t see her, He can. So, I ask Him to teach me to see her as He sees her. If I can clinging to Him and look for Him in her - I will see her. She is there with Him and He is holding her. I will look through HIS eyes, hopefully, when I am with her see her with Him.  

Psalm 139:1-7 read the whole thing here

1 O LORD, you have searched me 
       and you know me.

 ² You know when I sit and when I rise; 
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 ³ You discern my going out and my lying down; 
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue 
       you know it completely, O LORD.

 ⁵ You hem me in—behind and before; 
       you have laid your hand upon me.

 ⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, 
       too lofty for me to attain.

 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit? 
       Where can I flee from your presence?